Despite all the quotes and inspirational words we read along the way telling us how we are the sole drivers of our destiny, loving a person deeply could put a hold on our individuality if we don’t watch it. Before meeting that amazing person who now wholly occupies your heart and soul, the assumption is that you had your own dreams and plans concerning what to do with your life right?
However, it’s quite unfortunate how some unhealthy relationships, love and even marriage can put a stop there and totally bend you towards picking up dreams, aspirations and career that fulfils this new dynamics on your life. We hear of partners who have prenotions of what and who their partners would be when they meet themand then when that time comes, they force, coarse or manipulate them into their own standards.
Now if these other individuals do not have self-will, then it’s goodbye to there own personal aspirations. This dysfunctional relationship tendency has been labelled as co-dependency; psychologytoday defines it as:
“when two people with dysfunctional personality traits become worse together. Enmeshment happens when clear boundaries about where you start and where your partner ends are not clearly defined.”
Important to note here that most people who are in co-dependent relationship don’t even know they are subconsciously living their lives for their partners. They see it as part of the loving process, and therefore adjust their lives just to make their partners happy and their relationship work.
In any case, this article has listed some tell-tale signs to show the warning signs that your relationship is co-dependent. So, do you find yourself doing any of these?
- You subconsciously put a hold on your plans And when you make them, it is with their interest in mind
- You’re always seeking their opinion on big decisions that concern you
You’re ever on edge wanting to not engage in activities that would displease them
- You hang on to their perspective on everything, even when it contradict yours.
- Your sense of purpose resolved around making decisions that please your partner first before yours.
- You find it difficult to say no when your partner demand things that take away your time and energy
- You keep quiet and don’t fight for your right just to avoid arguments
- You constantly worry about other opinions of you and think your partner deserve to be with someone better, signs of low self esteem.
- You sometimes feel trapped in your relationship because you can’t take the chances of leaving and being single and alone.
- You find other means to deal with your relationship problem, e.g drug, alcohol, addictions etc.
Have a mind of your own, live your life as an individual, discover yourself and what you want to do with your life before bringing in a second tail. Partners are happy in a relationship when there is room for individuality; and when they both support each other on their choices. When all these contrary then you should force your self to withdraw and get yourself back on track.