Love is wonderful, we agree. But it’s quite unfortunate that most people do not know what loving a person really mean, or that throwing the words ‘I love you’ ever so often does not express love in its totality.
While dating, it’s always our hope that relationships, especially ‘serious’ ones, lead to something lasting and gives us the emotional fulfillment we desire. But alas! The reality is; they may never do.
How well do you know your partner? How well can you trust that after two or more years of dating and fighting the relationship storms along the way that they would not just leave you high and dry all of a sudden?
They are no guarantees to this things right? Yes. But two years or more is a long time to waste on something that has no assurance, no future and no landing point. Trust me, it’s not a good feeling and it would certainly knock the sail off your boat, even if you later find your bearing.
So before you get to that point, where years lead to fruitlessness and you keep repeating “Had I known”; here are some warning signs you should heed and plan an escape route before that partner whom you think loves you eternally shatter your heart into countless pieces.
They are often not ready to compromise
It doesn’t matter how little or huge it is, they just don’t find a reason why your need should supersede theirs. Promises not kept, phone calls not returned, plans and interests seconded for their urgent needs. You try to understand, you try to rationalize that you should also compromise, but how long can you keep that up with no effort from them?
Point is, if they have not started now, they may never do and you would always be expected to understand. And when push comes to shove; when their needs demands more from them, they would not think of keeping you in their life as a compromise. They would never!
They bring you close but not close enough
They tip toe around you, wanting you close but not close enough. You know most of their friends but only hear about their family. How can you rationalize dating a person for over a year or more but never quite meeting with any member of their family? Do not count the fact that they’ve met yours, that’s because you see them in a deeper light than they do you.
They probably don’t want you to meet with their family so that it would be like a clean slate when they finally decide to leave you. So it is better to be the more proactive one.
Their Ex keeps calling them, yet it is okay.
We all know exes are bad news. Continuous communication with them never end well; if it didn’t work out between them in the past and they supposedly moved on with you, then what’s the point of still reaching out?
Fact is that they don’t truly care about your emotions; they would never accept it from you but expect you to understand and see it as harmless.
And while you keep seeing it in a good light, it would be a rude shock when you finally get dumped for that ex who seems to know them better and whose ‘friendship’ they still cherish.
They are quick to call it quits after every provocation
If you can count how many times they’ve called it quits already over any slight provocations, then you should get ready for the big bomb. The final whistle when all your pleadings and explanations would not quench.
Given all the signs already, it is plain to see that you are only been dragged along in the relationship, and when the weight shifts or become too unbearable for them, they will drop you like a hot potato. Remember already that he/she cannot compromise, so darling you’ve reached your limits and really have to go even before they call it quits… again!
They have baggage from past relationships that they keep holding unto
You have yours, but you’ve moved on, people hurt you too, but you forgave and opened your heart again. You’ve made mistakes in the past, but you’ve learnt your lesson and presently working on being a better person. Now’s that’s what we call living, it’s also what we call maturity.
But if your partner thinks their mind can never forget because they are afraid of getting hurt again, then they are not ready to live. Given that, you should try your best to help them realize that people are different and our past should only make us strong, not weak. But if they insist on holding on, then its best you walk. Chances are, one day they will drag you into their mess and see you just like the people who hurt them before, even if you’re a saint who loves them genuinely.
They always have trust issues.
They can’t trust you but expect you to trust them. It’s always going to be about them – their past and people who have hurt them before. Trust is never going to be in the books for them, not even if you opened yourself wide like a slate. Or tell them they are the only man for you, they would always suspect your every move even while their ex still keeps calling!
It’s really not worth it at all. Yes, you love them and wish they become more involved like you; that they try harder to make your relationship work. But the truth remains that no one can change a person unless they themselves want to. Your treacherous heart will still love them despite their wrongdoing, but it will still be the one to pull you down when the heartbreak set in.
So word of advice: beyond loving them, you first need to love yourself.